Vampire Journals
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IMDB rating: 5.40 Plot: A 19th century vampire stalks a more powerful vampire lord in his quest to gain revenge over the death of his mistress. In his search for the vampire lord in Eastern Europe he kills many of his servants and fellow vampires while cursing another to vampirism as well. |
i find here Vampire Journals cheap
Actors: Gunn David,Dinvale Mihai,Condurache Dan,Niculescu Mihai,Morris Jonathon,Nitu Gelu,Sofron Cosmin,Horror,
My Novel need feed back?
hi I’m writing a novel about vampires i don’t know if its any good or not so i need feed back to see.
i have had lots of help from yahoo answers on my book so thank you yahoo and thank you readers. I dont want my book to get stolen so im only gonna tell chapter 1 hope you like it
Chapter 1
It was dark, almost midnight. Blood stained the carpet in the small house. The house usually gave off a happy, almost welcoming aura. Not tonight. A man’s yellow eyes were watching a woman’s body. A single twitch, then she rose from the floor. Her canine teeth grew, her skin paled, her eyes opened and transformed into the yellow glow of the other eyes.
" Tonight we feast." said the man. The two figures opened the door of the once-welcoming house and skulked into the night.
In a different house a young teenage boy woke up. He was sweating, pale-faced, his long blond hair wet.
"Nightmare, William?" His mother asked in the doorway.
" Mom, it was the vampires again."
"Try to get some sleep, you have to get up early. It’s Monday tomorrow. Good night."
"Night, mom."
William didn’t listen to his mom. He waited until she was out of the room, then got out of bed and walked across the stained blue carpet and over to his desk. He pulled out a small leather journal and started writing about his dream.
There was a man; he walked over to me and bit me. Then i was on the floor, dead. My veins started to bulge, my eyes opened. One was blood red and the other was yellow. My skin was ghostly white. I felt my lip being cut by giant fangs. The man helped me up. He stepped into the moonlight peering into the window. For the first time i saw his face. It was a sickly blue and white. He had jet black hair, and a drop of blood slid down his lip.
William Closed his journal and slipped back into bed. He went softly to sleep with the dim light of the moon peering through the window.
Add more drama and thrills to it, make it jump right out at the reader, so they will not lose interest.
Willow Moon | Feb 01, 2010
Its a tad boring. And the vampire thing is so over used. But keep writing. U can please everybody. For one person who hates it there is probably two that think its dull two who think its okay and one that thinks its great. I am one of the two that thinks its dull. Sorry.
Please answer mine http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index; _ylt=Ak65PeEn3K3rALPMeHSW7N3sy6IX;_ylv=3 ?qid=20100201154545AAlZ1i4
Country Wisdom | Feb 01, 2010
You’re doing too much telling, not enough showing.
Telling:
It was dark, almost midnight. Blood stained the carpet in the small house. The house usually gave off a happy, almost welcoming aura. Not tonight. A man’s yellow eyes were watching a woman’s body
Showing:
The moonlight filtered in through the windowpane, casting an eerie glow over the blood soaked carpeting. A clock downstairs stroked twelve just as he was leaving. He took one last glance at the body, cold and still on the stairs.
I’m not sure that this is something you can teach. I think you should take the time to really describe things. Instead of thinking of it as explaining a story to someone, think of it as you ARE someone in the story. Describe what you smell, the feeling of whats going on around you. There are plenty of good websites that would probably help you understand the difference between showing and telling. Just google it.
All of that being said, I do enjoy your style of writing. Its plain, but I’d rather take a plain story that I could understand than something that has way too much detail. You just gotta find a good balance. Being very matter of fact about things can help you in a horror story, and I’m a big fan of horror, but even those types of stories need some deeper description.
As far as plot goes, I don’t like dream sequences. I love vampires, but not the stephanie meyer vampires. Both dream sequences and vampires are overdone though, just be aware of that.
I love the words you use when you describe the vampires- his face was "a sickly blue and white," that tells me that we aren’t talking vegetarian vampires here… gives me some hope lol.
Good luck.
these weird and twisted nights | Feb 01, 2010
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